One of the best parts of coming to UIUC is the opportunity to escape after your sentence here. But what happens if you truly fall in love with this little town and want to stay in it forever? Here are five jobs in Champaign you should apply for when you’re too scared and underqualified to leave. 5.) ATMS 120 Professor: Being a professor would allow you to stay on campus forever, but being an ATMS 120 professor would mean that you also get to recycle quizzes and exams from the past ten years over and over again each semester. All you really have to do is stand in front of a class full of kids who are only taking your class for credit and pretend to know what you’re talking about about the weather. 4.) Champaign-Urbana Health Inspector: If you want real job security, look no further than the CU Health Department. Not only are there enough half-assedly run businesses to slap “biohazard” stickers on, but there’s also no way you’d ever be bored. Moral of the story, humans are disgusting and there’s no way every business around these parts are actually up to health code.

3.) CUMTD Bus Driver: If your life goals include screwing people over and making people nauseous with your driving skills, then boy do we have the job for you. Being a CUMTD bus driver not only allows you a “competitive” compensation and a job where you get to sit on your ass all day, but it also offers you an opportunity to tell people you work at “Cum titty.” 2.) University of Illinois Police Officer: Did you get bullied in high school? Do you have small-man syndrome? Do you like tackling 100-pound freshman girls onto the ground and then issuing them hefty drinking tickets? If you said “yes” to any of these questions, you might be a good fit as a University of Illinois campus police officer. This job has all the perks. You get to work nights and rob college students of their parents’ money in the form of hefty fines, you get to go into campus bars “undercover” and pretend like you aren’t there to relive your college days, etc. This job really has it all.

1.) Illini Football and Basketball Players’ Personal Footstool: What’s better than being the bitch of two of the worst sports teams in the Big Ten? This position requires that you follow a pack of Illini “athletes” around all day as they bitch and complain about how “that waitress was a bitch for forgetting my six sides of ranch” and “Lovie didn’t let me start in the second home game of the season and my delicate ego is still hurt.” Basically, let them berate you and boss you around and you’re guaranteed a paycheck.high chair walmart winnipeg If none of these positions tickle your fancy, maybe you’re not truly ready for the full on townie life. plastic patio chairs argosMaybe you should just move back to Naperville and make your parents’ basement basketball court into a bedroom for yourself. bean bag chairs in calgary

You poor, unemployed thing. WATCH: We hit the streets of Chicago’s St. Patty’s Day Parade to see how woke people were. on August 15, 2014 at 12:03 PM, updated MOBILE, Ala. -- Kenny Chesney sent a thank you note to Flora-Bama owner John McInnis for all the hard work that's gone into the upcoming weekend. The country singer also extended the sentiment to city, county and state leaders leading up to his concert at Flora-Bama. Chesney's Bama Jama concert is Saturday evening, but the madness began Thursday as the fans lined up for their wristbands. cheapest dental chair indiaFor those who did not get a wristband, the Flora-Bama asks for you to stay home.used zero gravity lift chair For those who have to get on the road this weekend and aren't headed to the concert, it may be a good idea to avoid the area around the Flora-Bama. massage chair for sale in edmonton

Traffic was already heavy Thursday evening and Friday morning. Along with the concert, Chesney will be shooting a one hour special for CMT and a music video for his new 'Flora-Bama' song that was released earlier this week. Check out Chesney's message to his fans via Blue Chair Rum below, along with his thank you note to McInnis. #KennyChesney is excited for #FloraBamaJama, and so are we. Head to @flora_bama and try BCB's #IslandGirl cocktail! — Blue Chair Bay Rum (@BlueChairBayRum) August 12, 2014 I just wanted to take a moment to say how excited I am about this coming weekend. I realize a lot of work, stress, and anxiety has gone into this event and that a lot of people have gone above and beyond to help pull this off. I'm not sure of all the names and I sure hope to meet everyone this weekend to personally thank everyone, but would you please forward this email to everyone who has been involved from the State of Alabama, State of Florida, Baldwin County, Alabama, Escambia County, Florida, Gulf Shores, Alabama, Orange Beach, Alabama, Peridido Key and Pensacola.

I really appreciate all the tireless efforts everyone has put into what I hope is gonna be a great musical experience for everyone. We could not have done this without the support, mental energy, and hard work of so many people. I chose this area to do my only concert of 2014 and our CMT documentary because I truly love it. It's a part of my soul, the friendships I've made, the music I've made and I really believe the area represents a lot of my audience in No Shoes Nation. I've been all over the world and you have one of the most special places anywhere. Your area has some of the softest, whitest, sand in the world and also some of the best people who simply love life and music. I also chose the Flora-Bama because the area and the bar has had a long history of supporting free spirits, musicians and songwriters for years both local and national. It's been a place for writers to play there music for people who really appreciate the songs and the craft of songwriting. I love that about the Flora-Bama and I love that about the long history of people who have lived a lot of life with those songwriters and their songs.

Again, I just wanted to reach out to thank you and everyone involved for your love and support. As I said, I truly love the area and want to do anything I can to tell the world and everyone in No Shoe Nation why I love it. We are going to produce a full 1 hour CMT special on the Flora-Bama, the event, and the area. I want people to know how beautiful, soulful, creative, and fun this place is and what makes it special. In the special I'm going to make sure I tell people why I chose this area of Orange Beach, Gulf Shores, Perdido Key, and Pensacola to do this event. We are also gonna do a big social media campaign about the event and thanking the area. Also, we just released the song Flora-Bama that is gonna live in the culture of this bar and in the area for generations to come and while we are there, we are going to shoot a great music video for the song also. We are going to work really hard to make the video and the CMT special represent the bar, the people, and the area in the best way possible.